Are you also different from others?

There was a startled silence…. They looked at each other….

And then…. Hahaha…. Laughter was ringing in my ears. I wanted to hide myself in embarrassment.

I was about 5 years old and visiting my grandparents together with my 2 big cousins ​​(they were 10 and 11 years old). My grandfather was in a lively conversation with them about cars. Fascinated, I listened. How I wanted to participate in the conversation, to belong. Just for a moment belong in my grandfather's world. I didn't understand anything about the conversation. What did I know about cars and motorcycles? But I listened carefully to what they were saying and when the conversation opened up, I saw my chance and repeated what I had heard one of my cousins ​​say before and which had been received with much approval.

There was a startled silence…. They looked at each other….

And then…. Hahaha…. Laughter was ringing in my ears.I wanted to hide myself in embarrassment.

“Inge also wants to join the conversation, but she doesn't understand,” my grandfather grinned. It was an innocent comment. And I probably would have said it too. But for little Inge, it anchored a wound she had carried with her for many lives. “I don't belong.”

I don't belong. I am different from others. And no matter how many times you are told that you are not here to be like others and to adapt, but to create a New World; it doesn't change the fact that it feels awful to stand on the outside looking in. 

For years I was looking for a way to be accepted. I went against everything I deeply believed in myself. But nobody else believed that, right? So then it couldn't be true. How could I trust myself then?

The voices I heard inside me, the truth I felt, the images I saw, the energy I experienced, I pushed it away. I worked on myself with great zeal until I created a version of myself that was acceptable to the world around me. No longer the whimsical, authentic big color explosion Inge, but a polished, adapted Inge in subdued shades.

Even when I took my first steps on the spiritual path, it was because I wanted to brush away the last bright colors, because my beige life was not satisfying. And I thought it was due to the last bit of authentic sparkle that I couldn't get rid of. 

And so the beginning of my journey in spirituality did not give me the desired results at all. Anyway, not the results my ego wanted.

My friends didn't understand me anymore. The aspired career still did not get off the ground. My colors only got brighter instead of beige!!! My ego resented, my soul rejoiced! 

Why am I sharing this? First, because you may also recognize this process. The search for belonging, for the rules of the game, why am I not succeeding? Second, because this is precisely the process of spiritual awakening. We all have an idea of ​​where we are growing, on a personal or collective level. We manifest like crazy, in the certainty that it will get the world or ourselves where it needs to be. And then we are disappointed we are not yet where we want to be. My personal favorite: why has the 5D world still not manifested?

Guides:

“An important part of spiritual awakening is letting go of the ideas you have. Things that you have always assumed (about yourself, your environment, the world) turn out not to be the way you have always believed. Letting go of the dreamed outcomes of how you see the future. Only then will there be room for magic. Only then can the universe really do its job. Only then can we really get to work for you and the world. 

You can compare it to buying a ticket for a grand opera performance and then expecting it to be like a Sound of Music sing-a-long.  The magic starts as soon as you let go of your attachment to the form, i.e. the attachment to what the end result should look like. That attachment actually maintains the old structures instead of allowing the freedom to create something new and beautiful. You cannot expect a bird to crawl out of the egg without breaking the egg shell.

Trust is what you need. Trust in the Divine Plan or the Cosmic Plan. It is precisely that trust that has been damaged so terribly over the many lives. You have been taught to follow obediently. You have been enslaved by an outside authority and that has caused deep trust wounds. You have come to confuse the worldly authority with the Divine Authority, the Authority that unifies the Divine Plan and Divine Law. Authority should serve the unity consciousness, if it does not, it serves the ego. In order to recognize that, it is important for you to return to your own sovereignty.

In sovereignty you follow the voice of your soul. It is connected to the unity consciousness at all times, no matter how soft the voice sounds inside. You are your own Master, you follow your own path in alignment with your soul. This is the path to Mastery, this is the path to the Great Awakening. 

So I release control.  Again. Even more. Because I long for the Great Awakening. And I try to let it go. Because it is not a reward for good behavior. It is a river whose flow we follow.

And by the way: I never achieved becoming beige, my socially acceptable career also never got to florish. But I got something much more important in return. My own colors, all the colors of the rainbow. I still don't belong to society. And now I'm happy about that!

Love,

Inge